Episodes

After reviewing M:I Ghost Protocol with me, Chloe asked me for a list of action movies she should watch, which we then made into a podcast episode coz why not? This list is FAR from comprehensive, I just focus on my favourites which are predominantly American because I didn't want to overwhelm everyone by getting into the world of, say, martial arts action films.

Chloe is back to finish reviewing the very fine, very action paced Ghost Protocol, the 4th film in the M:I series. We continue our discussion on how hot Tom Cruise looks while distressed, how dreadful Jeremy Renner is, who makes the dresses for the female IMF agents and international car parks.

Mission Impossible is back, baby! After a short break between the M:I films, I am joined by Chloe to discuss the 4th film in the franchise; Ghost Protocol. Arguably one of the best M:I films with one of the most iconic stunts (ie. Tom Cruise scaling the tallest building in the world), this film is HUGE. Join us as we discuss the first half of the film which involves Russian prisons, the permanent addition of Benji, how good Tom looks in a shiny blue suit & the perfect revenge.

Join Benjamin and I as we delve into the fascinating story of the Guillermo del Toro/Tom Cruise/James Cameron Lovecraftian film that never happened. It would have been a big budget, R rated horror film about an ancient civilisation that essentially created human life as we know it with sentient black goo... umm yep, Prometheus was absolutely the main reason why this movie never got made, sadly. Ben also explains why else it never came to be, plus we discuss the ethics of adapting Lovecraft this day and age.

Find Ben on twitter: @benjungles or instagram: @toontownexpress

This week I am rejoined by my husband Benjamin because I realised he had never seen the 1983 classic 'The Outsiders'! Based on a book many teenagers read in high school (myself included), it's a classic tale of the poor underdog kids vs the horrible rich kids. Join us as we discuss a film that features minimal Tom Cruise but makes up for it with plenty of other 80s heart throbs before they were famous. Plus we declare allegiance with the Greasers & talk about chocolate cake a LOT. 

Find Ben on twitter: @benjungles or instagram: @toontownexpress

Lauren is back for a minisode where we discuss the time she purchased Tom cruise hentai manga for me while in Japan. We discuss the different comics she bought, what hentai is (for those not in the know), Japan's love of self-published fan fic & end on some exciting Tom Cruise news! Also we're very mean to Elon Musk.

WARNING: This episode contains references to various kinds of porn which may not be for everyone. Also, I apologise for the sound quality in this episode as it's nowhere near my usual standard.

Find Lauren on instagra/twitter/facebook: @laurenstardust

Find my social media via my website: www.tomcruisereviews.com

Join Lauren & I once more as we finish off our review of Michael Mann's 'Collateral'. This week we continue with many tangents about films that are kind of relevant, Brisbane night clubs, old mobile phones & how thirsty we are for Tom in sweats & with long hair. Plus many more facts about how this film was made coz it genuinely is very interesting!

Find Lauren on all of the socials @laurenstardust

Because we're all in isolation, I decided to pause my M:I series for a short while & have brought back former guest Lauren to discuss Collateral! Join us as we discuss the 1st half of the film, including how how & awful Tom Cruise is, how wholesome Jamie Foxx is, the ethics of being a hit man & a whole bunch of other films vaguely related to Collateral. Also, stay tuned for the new hit film Catalogue, the Flat Pack Assassin.

Find Lauren on all of the socials @laurenstardust

So you're living through a pandemic & have to stay home as much as possible, what do you do? Watch movies, of course! Taylor returns to discuss my list of movies about pandemics, illnesses, zombies & the plague that I have either watched or want to watch. It's enough to make you never want to leave the house ever again!

Find Taylor on instagram: @thegodphone

We're back to finish off the 3rd installment of the Mission Impossible series! The action keeps getting bigger, the villain badder, the running faster & the teeth whiter. Taylor & I have a blast recounting the incredible bridge scene to the final scene where Ethan Hunt does what he does best (kills the bad guy, runs heaps... you know the drill). And if learning about medical stuff is your bag, Taylor gives us more insight into his profession by breaking down the resuscitation scene!

Find Taylor on instagram: @thegodphone

Let's wash the bitter taste on M:I 2 out of our mouths by blasting our way into Mission Impossible 3! JJ Abrams' feature film debut that literally exploded it's way onto your screen, while still having lots of that cool espionage stuff we loved in the 1st film. I'm joined by Taylor who didn't even know there were more than two M:I films! Join us as we discuss everyone's perfect teeth, mid-2000s technology, interesting fashion choices, nursing no-no's & why Luther is so damn chatty. 

Find Taylor on instagram: @thegodphone

If you thought we were mean to the movie in part 1, just wait for the 2nd half! Join Erin & I as we tear apart absolutely everything this film has to offer, from the absurd use of masks (where the hell do they all come from), the amount of Ford Falcon's, the hilarious final fight scene & even the accompanying music video by Metallica!

Find Erin on instagram: @kittyblinggg

It's finally time for me to review the one film I've bitched about the most: Mission Impossible 2! I'm joined by my sister Erin in this timely episode about infectious flu-like viruses that threaten to cause a pandemic (seriously, the timing on this ep is wild). Join us as we criticise pretty much every single thing that happens in the 1st half of the movie, from dodgy transition effects to ridiculous foreshadowing and way too many pairs of Oakley sunglasses.

Find Erin on instagram: @kittyblinggg

Monday 9th February 2020

In this weeks minisode, Shan & I go through a list of random Tom Cruise trivia that seems largely made up or at least highly embellished, and we manage to come up with his brand new nickname!

Find Shan on instagram: @shanlouy

Monday 2nd February 2020

It's here, folks! It's time to finally start reviewing the 'Mission Impossible' films! This will be the only time I review and Tom films consecutively, so strap yourself in and let's talks about 1996's 'Mission Impossible'! I'm jointed by Shan where we discuss Kittridge's expensive fedora, unexplained sexual chemistry, biting rats & bags full of masks.

Find Shan on instagram: @shanlouy

Monday 24th February 2020

In this minisode, Maddy & I go through a list of all of Tom's films ranked worst to best and discuss why they're mostly incredibly wrong. Anyone who thinks 'Tropic Thunder' is a better film than 'Fallout' is a terrible person who doesn't belong in polite society. Also, if you've been wondering what my opinions on every single one of his films are in two sentences or less, we have you covered!

Find Maddy on insta & twitter: @madfrieza

Monday 17th February 2020

SHOW ME THE MONEY! Oh yes, it's time for the film that's absolutely packed with memorable quotes; 'Jerry Maguire'! A film that's often been described as a rom-com for dudes, 1996's 'Jerry Maguire' features an eye-watering amount of sports that is almost balanced out by an impressive amount of Tom Cruise nudity & an adorable child who steals the show from just about everyone. Join Maddy & I as we discuss the sexist undertones, the absurdity of marrying someone after one shag & why there wasn't a spin-off for the man-hating sister who was honestly the only reasonable character in the whole film.

Find Maddy on insta & twitter: @madfrieza

Monday 10th February 2020

We're back with part two of our 'Legend' review. If you thought Rachel & I got pretty detail-heavy in the 1st part, strap yourselves in because we go DEEP! Join as we deep dive into topics such as fairy kisses, unexpected tantrums, shitty pies, morph suits, gyrating demons & juicy boys. We also spend a fair amount of time discussing Tom's groin again, just in case you were wondering.

Find Rachel on instagram at @raken_art or @artrats__

Monday 3rd February 2020

After a short break from 80s films, we're back with Ridley Scott's 1985 dark fantasy 'Legend'. Released right in the middle of the wave of dark fantasy films of the 80s, Legend is a bit of an anomaly, and definitely Tom's least Tom Cruisey role. Join Rachel & I as we discuss the outstanding SFX makeup, the breathtaking unicorns, the confusing script, the bewildering dialogue, Tim Curry's epic laugh and the many shots of Tom's groin. 

Find Rachel on instagram at @raken_art or @artrats__

Monday 27th January 2020

In this minisode, Tom and I talk about other films, TV shows and even books that feature time loops, discussing some of our favourites and even touching on other popular time-based plot devices such as the alternate timelines, aka the "Sliding Doors" moment.

Find Tom on instagram: @raptor_au

Monday 20th January 2020

We're back with a big, actiony sci-fi film this week where I review 2014's 'Edge of Tomorrow' with Tom, who is a passionate fan of sci fi (but less so of Tom Cruise... the audacity). Based on a Japanese book called 'All You Need Is Kill' this is a classic time-loop film where we see Tom die MANY times, sometimes horrifically & sometimes hilariously. It's also one of the rare time we see Tom play a character who's bad at what he does!

Find Tom on instagram: @raptor_au

Monday 13th January 2020

Of all of the things people focus on with Tom Cruise's appearance, his hair isn't often up there as the most talked about. But as Sally and I discover in this light minisode, he is a man with many famous hairstyles! Join as as we discuss our favourites, the worst ones and what we'd like to see him try next.

Find Sally on instagram: @diewrecktorofmayhem

Monday 6th January 2020

In this not-at-all-mini episode, Benjamin and I deep dive into the personal life of Tom Cruise. Ben takes the reins on this episode, asking me a number of questions about my obsession with Tom before we get very in-depth about his personal life including his relationships, acting methods and, of course, Scientology.

Find Ben on twitter: @benjungles and instagram: @toontownexpress

Monday 23rd December 2019

It's finally time for my lovely husband Benjamin to join me on the podcast to discuss 2001's 'Vanila Sky'. Neither of us knew anything about this film upon our first watch but we were both pleasantly surprised by it. Join us as we discuss dreams, dad rock, weird masks, Michael Shannon and, once again, cum. Also I have a small cry about the ending. It's a good time.

Find Ben on instagram: @toontownexpress or twitter: @benjungles

Find my socials via my website www.tomcruisereviews.com

Monday 16th December 2019

This week Chloe and I continue discussing 'Eyes Wide Shut', kicking off with the infamous sex cult party which was very underwhelming and included absolutely no Tom Cruise nudity whatsoever. We debate the clothing choices for the sex cult ladies, creepy sleep-laughing and disappointing the necrophiliac crowd.

Find Chloe on instagram/twitter: @chloecazz

Monday 9th December 2019

It's another Tom & Nic film but we've fast forwarded to 1999's 'Eyes Wide Shut' which is probably one of Tom's most controversial films because of its racy themes. Does it live up to the hype? Chloe & I go through the first half of the film where we discuss infidelity, fantasies, threesomes & sowing "genetic material".

Find Chloe on instagram/twitter: @chloecazz

Monday 2nd December 2019

In this minisode we continue our discussion on 'Days of Thunder' because this film had a heck load of trivia that we couldn't fit into the main episode. Find out which plot points and characters were based on real Nascar events/people, who got a speeding ticket during filming & which other actresses were considered for the role of Dr Lewicki.

Find Bec on instagram: @__becjay__

Monday 25th November 2019

In this episode on 1990's 'Days of Thunder' I'm joined by Bec who is a huge fan of car racing so we learn a lot about some of the technical aspects of racing that helped make this movie even more fun. Edutainment! Plus we discover a Simpsons reference and count Tom's nipple hairs.

Find Bec on instagram: @__becjay__

Monday 18th November 2019

It's part 2 of our review of 'Knight and Day' where we delve into more of the things Tom Cruise does that we find really attractive (namely eating an ice cream), the stunts, more druggings & gashes?

Find Lauren on facebook/twitter/insta: @laurenstardust

Monday 11th November 2019

It's the first two-parter for the podcast because I am joined by my best friend Lauren who is also a HUGE Tom Cruise fan and we go off on many ridiculous tangents (mostly about how hot Tom is). We cover the 2010 film 'Knight and Day' which neither of us had heard of previously but thoroughly enjoyed. Please note: there's a lot of hysterical laughter, mic bumps & rude jokes in this episode.

Find Lauren on instagram/twitter/facebook: @laurenstardust

Monday 4th November 2019

It's another minisode where Amanda & I discuss whether or not Tom Cruise can dance and rate his most famous dance moments.

Find Amanda on instagram: @hartleylove

Monday 28th October 2019

We're back in the 80s with Risky Business where I'm joined by Amanda who also had no idea how much darker this film was than how it presents itself in pop culture. We discuss how they cover the topics of sex work, capitalism, losing your innocence & the logistics of setting up a one-night-only brothel in your parents house. 

Find Amanda on instagram: @hartleylove

Monday 14th October 2019

We take things a little more seriously this week as we're reviewing the 2008 WWII film 'Valkyrie'. I'm joined by Liam where we discuss how close this film got to actual history, whether or not Tom had a stunt butt and grappled with the idea of empathising with literal Nazi's in a film directed by a Very Awful Man.

Check out Liam's podcast Flawless: A Music Podcast whever you listen to podcasts.

Monday 7th October 2019

My first mini episode (or "minisode" for fun), a smaller version to tide you over between full podcast episodes. This week Jade & I read the many terrible reviews written about Cocktail when it first came out. So many alcohol puns!

Find Jade on social media @styleandspace or styleandspace.com.au

Monday 30th September 2019

It's time for an 80s classic and this week we've chosen 1988's Cocktail. I'm joined by Jade who really appreciates Tom's luscious, 80s hair but not so much the rampant sexism and certainly not Coughlin's Law.

Find Jade on social media @styleandspace or styleandspace.com.au

Monday 16th September 2019

This week I try to convert Heather into a Tom Cruise fan by showing her the 2013 sci fi film Oblivion, where we discuss life in a boring space apartment, the appeal of seeing Tom Cruise wrestle himself, the sexist double standards of fashion in the future & space pod harlots.

Find Heather on insta: @hacklock

Monday 2nd September 2019

In episode two I am joined by Emma Livingstone who helps review the 2012 musical 'Rock of Ages'. Join us as we laugh at one of the tackiest (and yet embarassingly enjoyable) movies we've ever seen where we discuss putting tongues in things, silver dragon codpieces, dad rock, bad romances and singing into butts?

Follow Emma's art: www.facebook.com/emetic.art/

Monday 26th August 2019

This is the very 1st episode of Cruisin' for a Reviewsin' featuring special guest Matt Hofmann, who helped kick start my Tom Cruise obsession! In this episode we discuss the 2017 film 'The Mummy' which was extremely divisive when it came out. Join us as we chat about the failed Dark Universe, hot mummies and that crashing plane scene.

Find Matt on instagram: @matthofmann

Monday 26th August 2019

A quick intro to the new Tom Cruise movie reviews podcast, hosted by Cara Westworth.

Artwork by Emetic Art