Episodes

After a 15 month hiatus, I am back, baby! There's a new Tom Cruise movie out in cinemas & I have a LOT to say about it. But first I need to tell you all about how I got to meet THE Tom Cruise at the Sydney premiere of Mission: Impossible - Dead Reckoning Part 1! I am joined by Laurent who was there with me to discuss every last detail of the most exciting day of our lives!

In a stunning case of the stars aligning perfectly for me, I wrapped up the filmography of Tom Cruise just before his latest film started showing in cinemas & I got to do my first live episode! What a time to be alive! I got to host a screening of the new Top Gun before sitting down with Ben McLeay in front of a live audience of very attractive people to talk about how sick this film was. We do our best to avoid spoilers & instead talk at great length about G forces, whether the enemy nation was Iran, sick plane stunts & the weird rules in the local Top Gun pub that made absolutely no sense.

We're down to the last film of Tom Cruise's filmography & it's probably one of the more obscure titles that apparently no one has seen or even heard of! I am joined by Frank to discuss this weird, unfunny & yet strangely self aware "teen sex comedy" that we both really enjoyed despite it being truly terrible in every way. Join us as we discuss  Tom's youthful beauty, horny cars, Carol Brady kissing teen boys, racist tropes, donkey shows & just how irredeemable the main characters are. 

Find Frank on instagram: @mullet_frank

A super quick update about the delay in releasing the latest episode (hint: it was covid) which also just so happens to be the last film I have left to review! Plus the details for the live episode I'm recording immediately after my special screening of Top Gun Maverick! If you're in Brisbane on May 26th, you should come along! Get tickets here: 

events.humanitix.com/twobittopgun

Tom Cruise doesn't do cameos except for that one time he did in Austin Powers Goldmember, portraying Austin Powers himself. Emma & I discuss this hilarious segment of a very silly film franchise as well as Shrek & the evolution of fashion since the 60s. Very random but very fun!

Follow Emma's on Facebook or Instagram.

As we draw super close to the end of Tom Cruise's filmography, we're finally watching the 1st film he was ever cast in which is absolutely god awful. He has only one scene (where he squeezes in a surprising amount of Tom Cruisisms) & the rest of the film is absolute trash. Join Emma & I as we mock this film mercilessly & discuss a variety of topics such as how Brook Shields was exploited from a very young age, how the 80s were just kind of cooked in general, running in denim, horny mum's & how you'd better off if you dumped your boyfriend. 

Follow Emma's on Facebook or Instagram.

Lauren & I finish off our review of this film in our usual casual, meandering style, with lots more Autism chat. We also discuss our love of KMart undies, farts, our thoughts on Forrest Gump & that time Tom Cruise dated queer icon, Cher! Once again, this is your WARNING that we swear a lot in this episode so please don't be mad at us, It's called self expression, Helen!

Find Lauren on instagram: @laurenstardust

It's finally time to tackle the film I had the most apprehension about. But luckily I am joined once again by Lauren who was diagnosed with ASD in the last year & was able to give lots of great insight into their experience with autism & what this film got right & wrong. Join us as we also discuss tiffs with dads, women in sneakers, hating billionaires, Titanic theatre restaurants & much more. WARNING: There's lots of swearing in this episode, like way more than usual. You've been warned!

Find Lauren on instagram: @laurenstardust

Scott & I wrap up our review of this slick Grisham adaption where Tom Cruise spends a lot of it running for his life. For a film that has such a non-sexy conclusion (unless you think mail fraud is sexy, I suppose), it's really bloody enjoyable from start to end. Join us as we talk more about the appeal of Tom Cruise & why the couch thing wasn't a big deal, how we wish JK Rowling would piss off, the never ending stream of Marvel movies & I remind everyone, yet again, about how much I hate Jeremy Renner. 

Find Scott on Twitter @ScottWamplerBMD & check out The Kingcast

In another shocking twist, this week's guest has also seen this film but not for ages so it almost doesn't count, maybe? I am joined by Scott to discuss a film we both really enjoy but oh my god, so much happens! Join us as we discuss everything from time zones (we simply do not understand 'em), the Fast & the Furious franchise, how good a lawyer Tom Cruise would have been if he hadn't gotten into acting, horny grieving, boat explosions, Jigsaw being a creep & much more.

Find Scott on Twitter @ScottWamplerBMD & check out The Kingcast

Maria is back to tell me all about that time she met Tom Cruise! She gives all the goss on how the most famous movie star operates at a film premiere & the differences between a 40 minute interview with Tom & 10ish minutes with Russel Crowe. We also chat about entertainment journalism in general, ageing in Hollywood (including why you shouldn't go to the baseball the day after getting fillers) & lots, lots more!

Find all things Maria Lewis via her website.

I'm mixing up the format for this episode by having another guest who has already seen the film & also we barely discuss the film at all. I am joined by Maria Lewis who absolutely hates this film & explains to me why the 1st Jack Reacher film was so god in her professional opinion. Join us as we discuss internet cafes, big cums, Halloween street parties, pointless daughters, vampires & a million other things that barely relate to this movie.

Find all things Maria Lewis via her website.

Nick & I finish up this very silly review of the film that should've been called Mad Lad: Left Right Good Night, this time discussing the concept of drinking someone's blood from a boot, smashing skulls like cans of Pasito, slobberknocker fights in the rain & the fact Jack Reacher definitely would be anti vaxx. 

Get Nick to paint your minis via @lefthandpooch

I am joined by Nick for this review which might be one of the most raucous ones yet! We spend 90% of our time screeching with laughter about how silly this film is, including such bizarre topics such as milk cops, dying from a kick in the taint, being forced to eat your own thumbs & man mounds. 

Get Nick to paint your minis via @lefthandpooch

As Bart & I conclude our review of TAPS, we realise how much of a bummer this film is! Turns out a film about fanatical youths caught up in the military industrial complex isn't a total hoot. Who knew? Join us as we discuss Toms ripped bod (again), what on earth the National Guard is & how few uniforms they seem to have, psychological warfare & how Scientology made Tom Cruise's voice better.

Find Bart's art on instagram @8.bit.bart

There aren't many Tom Cruise films that have been lost to the ages but TAPS seems to be one of the rare ones that very few people are aware of. I am joined by Bart to discuss this film about a military school & its fanatical students trying to save it from closure. Join us as we discuss rhythmic gun-nastics, the many outfit changes (including an abundance of sashes), children having access to guns & mortars, Sex & the City and war crimes aplenty! 

Find Bart's art on instagram @8.bit.bart